back to school

1st day of school.

i had butterflies in my tummy the night before. excited. like the night before a tournament. i kept waking up wondering if it's time for school yet. i'm finally working towards something that i really want, and motivations are different. matty and i were talking about how it's not working towards impressing someone anymore, it's about making yourself the best so that you can serve people better in the future. which is a whole different feeling and one that i prefer. excitement for excitement sake. i am actually glad that it was difficult for me to get in. i'm happy i stayed in boston after graduation. happy that i played that year of brute squad. and happy that i made connections with the orthopedic dept at mgh. maybe i'll end up there someday again. going to georgetown was also the right decision. even though it was a hellish year, it paid off. i believe it helped me get in, and school will be easier this year. repetition does it for me. hard work does pay off. it's nice to have proof of it.

we had our first anatomy lab today. incredible. it was surreal to be staring over a cadaver, holding a scalpel. the head, hands, and feet were covered, which was good to depersonalize the experience. otherwise it might have been overwhelming. i felt for the collar bone to see where i needed to make the incision, and it hit me, that this was a person. it felt like i was feeling the collar bone of a friend. the cold slimey feel of skin quickly moved me away from the thought though. thankfully. man. i hope this year ends the way it started. hope the jaded feelings don't come creeping in too soon.